Hockey Night in Gaza!

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The air was electric in Arafat Memorial Stadium last night as the first ever hockey game was played between the Tel Aviv Defenders and the Gaza Rockets. Pre game excitement was heightened when fights broke out between the home and visiting team fans as they competed for box seats, end seats, red and blue seats, toilet stalls and popcorn. The pre-game ceremonies were cut short when the singers slotted to perform the national anthems were kidnapped by opposing fans.

The first period was off to a rousing start as the Tel Aviv team, coached by the still comatose Ariel Sharon scored 20 seconds into the game. The goal was disallowed however as the Tel Aviv scorer, Eshkol Katz, was in the goal crease at the time, and in the scramble for the puck accidentally shot the Gaza goaltender 17 times. Eshkol received a 2 minute minor penalty for roughing. During the power play the Gaza team scored on an empty net as soldiers searched in vain for the mysteriously missing Tel Aviv goaltender.

During the first intermission the Zamboni blew up in front of the Tel Aviv bench splattering the visiting fans with Kosher Gatorade. Fortunately Coach Sharon’s girth protected most of his team from shrapnel although the start of the 2nd period was delayed while his thyroid gland was towed off the ice.

The second period looked better for the Tel Aviv Defenders as their goaltender was recovered with payment of a ransom of 2 acres of downtown Jerusalem and a tunnel boring machine. Tel Aviv’s 2nd disputed goal of the night, the puck fired from a tank near the Challah
concession, was disallowed after a review of the replay due to icing. The Defenders finally scored with 20 seconds remaining in the 2nd period when rockets fired at the referee created a diversion allowing the goal by Joshua Greenberg.

The second intermission was marked with a gift exchange between the two team’s players. The Gaza team presented the Tel Aviv players with bus passes and the Tel Aviv players reciprocated with gifts of a cell phone to each Gaza player.

The 3rd period started with a bench clearing brawl as the players tried to intimidate each other. 4 players received game misconducts, 2 were recruited by Mossad and 5 were taken to the morgue and are expected to remain on the injured list for the balance of the season.

Despite the best efforts of forwards on both teams the game remained tied at the end of the 3rd period, and through the 7 overtime periods that followed regulation play. The sudden death shoot out that was to determine the winner in a series of shots on net resulted in mayhem when the fans misunderstood the nature of a ‘shoot out’ and actively participated in the game.

The final score therefore was 1 - 1 with the game expected to remain tied for some time.